Searchin for Angels

Last evening, while walking down to my room something struck me.. i looked up to heavens and asked the question breeding in the corner of my heart since last few weeks

"WHERE IS MY ANGEL?"

the stars kept shining, as if they they were expecting it and were amused. Well... its the first time i look around and do not find an angel next to me, so i wasn't that amused.

Over the years there was one thing that never changed in my life. No matter how things were going there was always someone standing next to me? This person has been with me through the toughest challenges and the greatest successes. Sometimes the face changed, but rest assured someone was always there. Noticing this trivial change I concluded that I was blessed and that the “Powers that Be” decided to make sure that I never have to face life alone, hence I called these people ( commonly known as friends) as my Angels. And over the years these angels have watched over me to make a world away from home, introduce me to music, spiritually, how to love and then how to mend a broken heart, literature, unconditional loving, and pursuing perfectionism and even taught me Photoshop. I stood up to adversities and kept going on when there was no hope left.

I will not say that they changed my life, because that’s an understatement. The reality is that they have shaped my life and me as well. I look at myself and I see that it’s just not me anymore; there is more than what others can see. They say that a man’s true identity is known by the company he keeps. Well… I can say that in my case it goes beyond that. I am a reflection of all my friends, those who are still with me and those who aren’t anymore.

To all my angels, Anup, Manish & Manish, Madhu, Sangeeta, Shilpa, Sneha, Vasanth, Nisha, Punit, Ankita, Anuradha, Mahish, Ajay, Ramya and Nithi, you will always be a part of me.

Thanks for everything

New year resolution

Do you remember the part in Armageddon when Bruce Willis nukes the asteroid? I favorite scene was when he detonates the bomb and at that very moment, his life flashes before his eyes. All the special moments, people and thoughts race through the mind in that one split second before everything stops. Can you imagine what you will see when that moment comes in your life?

For good or worse, I don’t have to imagine that like you are doing right now. In the first day of this year I lost balance in the deeper end of the pool and needless to say started drowning. By now you can infer, I can’t swim that well. After fighting to come up for a gasp of breath for almost 15 seconds I lost hope. It didn’t mater how hard I tried I always ended up in the bottom. With air out of my lungs and water in my body I finally gave up and embraced the inevitable. as my motionless body sank even more, I saw a slideshow, , a few days of my life I will never forget , there were people, some I knew and some I remembered from my past. And then the show stopped at one face. Someone I know I love more than anyone and anything. Someone who has changed my life… gave a new meaning to it... Someone I wanted to see once more.

I am sure all of this happened in one second but it was then I found myself filled with a boost of energy and a will to fight. Something inside me shouted, “I will not go, I will not give up” probably for my sake or for the sake of that someone who was (and still is) everything to me. I somehow made my way back to the top just too get some air and shout for help.

I survived that day, but I came back home a new guy. I found myself o longer confused or disillusioned, as if all the cow-webs have been removed from my path and I knew what I really wanted in my life. Long back I attended a PD workshop where the trainer asked us to write down everything I want to do if I knew I had only 24 hours to live. in the end of that exercise he simply asked,” we don’t know if we are going to live after this day, this hour or this minute, then why don’t we do all this things when we have the opportunity?” though it made sense even then, It did not create the impact which this incident did. I guess practical is always more effective than the theory. Usually we always fail to see the bigger picture. Some things which seem right at the moment makes us regret for rest of our lives, and something which seems like a mistake brings out the best results in long run. since then I try to live every minute to the best way I can, and in sticky situation just ask myself “What if this is as good as it gets?” As Robert Frost said “miles to go before I sleep”, but i know when i DO sleep I will not have any nightmares